Random thoughts while waking up:
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I read the following story and immediately said, “California” in the same way most of us say “taxes.”
The Associated Press reported that a cafe in San Francisco is brewing up what it calls the world’s most expensive coffee — at $75 a cup. The beans of this exclusive brew recently sold at auction for the record price of $803 per pound.
Cafe literature describes the coffee as “a rare variety of Arabica from Panama that has a floral, tea-like flavor with hints of jasmine and berries,” a description that sounds more than a little pretentious to me.
I understand that gourmet coffee is a thing and that many people are willing to pay extra to get a latte or mocha or whatever punches their happy buttons. At the same time, $75 for a cup of coffee is simply ridiculous.
I come from a long line of coffee drinkers. We Reagans enjoy our coffee, but that doesn’t mean we’ll float a loan in order to buy a cup.
At the risk of sounding like too much of a hayseed, at least to the coffee crowd, I have never given much thought as to whether the coffee beans come from Colombia or Panama or just down the street. If my coffee is caffeinated, chances are I’ll be just fine.
I guess you could say I’m a little bit of a coffee snob in that I will not, even under duress, drink decaf coffee. To me, decaf is not real coffee. It is warm brown water, which is not something I crave first thing in the morning.
Other than that, I’m not picky when it comes to coffee. A cup of Folger’s may not have the same cachet as a grande mocha from Starbucks, but I don’t care. It does its job, which is to give me a little wake-up nudge so that I can face the cold, cruel world with something resembling a decent outlook.
This isn’t an anti-Starbucks rant, by the way. I admit to visiting the establishment a time or two and I’ve found their various coffee blends to be highly adequate. The problem I have with Starbucks is that you have to learn a new language before you’re able to order your coffee in a somewhat intelligent manner.
For starters, you can’t simply order a large coffee. No, no, no. You have to use words like venti or grande. And that’s the easy part.
The real trouble starts when you have to decide what kind of coffee you want. Looking at a Starbucks menu, the choices include Blonde Roast, Caffè Misto Cold Brew with Cascara Cold Foam, Cold Brew with Cold Foam, Cold Brew with Salted Cream Cold Foam, Iced Coffee, Iced Coffee with Milk, Nitro Cold Brew (sounds somewhat dangerous) and Vanilla Sweet Cream Cold Brew.
Can someone translate that for me, please?
That’s where Starbucks and other specialty coffee shops lose me. I’m not interested in sounding hip by ordering a venti Pike Place Roast, I just want a coffee. Caffeinated. In a cup, say, this big. I’m a simple man with simple needs and all those blends are just window dressing that stand between me and my coffee, which make them bad things.
I know that all these confessions make me sound totally out of touch to those who delight in the offerings from coffee shops. I’ve been called worse.
I may never be hip, but at least I’ll be caffeinated.
Steve Reagan is a staff writer at the Snyder Daily News. Comments about his column may be emailed to news@snyderdailynews.com.